Taking personal responsibility

"It's not what happens to you, it's what you do about it." -W. Mitchell

Every Thursday at work, the topic I cover with my trainees is "Taking Personal Responsibility." This is a rather huge concept that really expanded my universe once it clicked.

When you think of "taking responsibility," what comes to mind? It's usually about something negative, right? Your answers may include "owning up to your actions," or "admitting what you did was wrong," etc. Well, yes, but it goes way, way beyond that.

Whose job is it to make sure you have a good day today? .....yours.
Whose job is it to make sure you don't get upset by someone else's actions? ......yours.
Whose job is it to make sure you go down the right career path? ......yours.

Yours, yours, yours. Whose job is it to make you happy, successful, financially stable, sane? YOURS!!! Isn't that amazing? YOU have control here.

Shifting gears a bit... How do you feel when someone controls you? "It sucks," is what I hear. "I feel powerless" is what I hear. "Like a victim" is what I liken it to. Well *guess what*!?! YOU are always in control of YOU. Do you see a trend here? Let's say there is someone holding a gun to your noggin, demanding that you open up that vault "or else...". YOU are actually choosing to open the vault because YOU are logical and aware of the possible consequences. You could choose not to open it, and in that case you would know that you had some responsibility in what was ultimately manifest as a result of that choice that YOU made.

Doesn't that feel better? Doesn't it feel great to know that you are always in control of you? My goodness, we have so much power, it is unbelievable!

Shift gears again... I went to a Robin Rose training for work a few months ago and she said something absolutely profound. While the training was about brain function, stress hormones, etc., the following is what made the biggest impact on me and my own curriculum. In a nutshell, she said that we actually have no control over what happens to us as a child, but as adults we DO have control over what we do about it. It goes hand in hand with the W. Mitchell quote above.

You had no control over what family you were born into, whether or not your parents had good parenting skills, what kind of environment you lived in, who your neighbors were, whether or not you had your basic human needs met, etc. You were just tossed in there and had to live with it. But at some point in your life it becomes your responsibility to choose how it impacts the rest of your life. I hate to break it to you, but you can't blame your parents anymore! If you treat people poorly, that is 100% your own fault. If you have a positive attitude, that is also 100% your own fault. No excuses! None of that "well I am this way because I was abused as a child" junk. It just doesn't fly.

I'm still struggling with finding a way to really crack into people's skulls and plant this seed. I just don't know how to put the awesomeness that is Taking Personal Responsibility into the right words!