Compliments are Important

Long ago, before I was the official trainer for my week at my job, I came up with an activity for groups of trainees to do. Each trainee must come up with some positive feedback (a.k.a. a compliment) for the person to their right. They go in a circle sharing their feedback, and then I surprise them with the news that they now get to go the other way. I never participate in the activity because I feel it would be weird if I threw that in there just so I could hear how awesome I am. Instead, I am an observer. I must say this activity makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside!

I have had trainees break into tears for the simple fact that they never receive compliments. Isn't that horrible??? There was one week I will never forget during which one trainee stopped the whole show and said, "You guys... I'm not used to this! This is so amazing! I love it! I NEVER heard stuff like this when I was growing up! I was always told that I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'll never find a husband... This is so great!"

That right there is why I love, love, love this activity. The whole time the compliments are being shared, I sit there with a ridiculously cheesy grin on my face. It just makes me beam from the inside to see this positivity impact these people so deeply. On a few occasions, trainees have had to leave the room upon completion of the activity because they are too emotional to go on with the day just yet. The complements that usually bring the most tears are those along the lines of "just from what you say, I can tell you are a really good mother." That is a big one! The lady I quoted in the previous paragraph was told "You have a really great smile." Can you believe nobody had ever said that to her before? And that one, small little complement impacted her so profoundly...?

Positive feedback is a really big deal!!!

A few times, the follow-up conversation has moved into the realm of positive self talk. I'm sure you all realize that we say some pretty horrible things to ourselves—things that we would never let anybody else get away with! (Well we need to knock that junk off!) I think it's been 2 or 3 times that I have had my trainees go around and tell me something that they really like about THEMSELVES, which, for whatever dumb reason, is something our society tells us not to do. That is ridiculous.

I think we need to make a distinction between having a healthy self esteem and being conceited. It's OK to like yourself. It is healthy to be proud of things you have accomplished. Saying, "yeah, I am really good at that" does not make you full of yourself. I, for example, believe that I am really really good at crocheting. I really admire that in me. I am very proud of myself for having something that I am super good at! This does not make me conceited! Just think how weird it would be if every time someone said "WOW... you MADE that????" I responded with, "oh it wasn't very hard, anybody could do it, I'm sure it's been done better, it's really not that big of a deal." Sure that's being humble, but that is also being dishonest. It is 100% OK for me to respond with, "Heck yeah I did! It's the most epic thing I've ever made!!!"

Here's the most epic thing I've ever made:

Yep, I did that, I'm proud of it, and that's OK.

Think about what you like about yourself today. Give compliments to those around you, too! If you see something good, say it! I know I am really good at pointing out that my boys are handsome, intelligent, wonderful boys and I am glad that they are mine. I say this stuff to my super adorable tall husband as well. I imagine the day that I can shower my baby girl with praise. I can't wait to raise her to know that she is so incredibly awesome!!! I wish she would just be born NOW, darn it!

What things do you like about yourself? Can you make a list? Can you admit to yourself that you have good qualities?

Compliment yourself and those around you DAILY! You will be shocked at the immense impact it will have on your life as well as the lives of others.

Happiness is Wanting What You Have

I think I've mentioned in an earlier post that every Thursday at work I teach my trainees about personal responsibility and the total control they have over their own happiness. Well, this week 75% of my trainees leave at 1:00 instead of 3:00, so I have been only partially finishing each day and just pushing the rest of the curriculum out to the next day. That means I started the awesomeness that is Thursday yesterday, and I get to finish it up this morning. :-) That's two days of ultra positivity! I seriously love this part of my week. 

One of the skills we cover in the book is called "Living Each Day Gratefully." We talk about expanding our definitions of wealth and taking time to really pay attention to the wonders in our lives. One quote from the book is the following:

"The moment one gives close attention to any thing, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself."

Henry Miller

What this means is that we take a lot of things for granted! I actually saw a quote yesterday that said something along the lines of "what you take for granted, someone else is praying for." That is so very true! My trainees are all recipients of welfare and the majority of them feel kinda crappy about their circumstances. They tend to focus on what they do NOT have, but they give little attention to what they DO have. Did you know that in some countries, people don't even have the resources to obtain shoes? ALL of my trainees have shoes!!! Many, many people do not even have shelter to sleep under. All of my trainees have a place to sleep, whether it is their own or someone else's. These things make them much wealthier than many, many people all over the world. It's just hard for them to really see that sometimes!

My class book is riddled with "Hot Tips" to really help people think and put things into perspective. One of these tips is the following: "Happiness comes not from getting what you want, but from wanting what you already have...." I find this to be absolutely profound, and I really hope that it hits home with my trainees. Can you imagine if you wanted nothing more than what you already have? For example, I love my car. I love it so much that there is not another car on the road that I look at and wish was mine. If I had a million dollars, the last thing I would do is go car shopping. I WANT my car. That is a great feeling!

I've always been one to really cherish the things I have. Once I get a frying pan, for example, I feel as though that need has been fulfilled and I stop shopping for frying pans. I don't feel the need to get the latest and greatest with all the fancy shmancy bells and whistles. I just love MY frying pan. Even my frying pan can leave me feeling satisfied. I can't imagine the misery I would feel if I always wanted something "better." I would just be chasing happiness, all the time, and I would never find it.

Give close attention to what you have today! Be grateful! Be happy! Here is another quote that we will discuss this morning:

"If the stars should appear but one night every thousand years, how man would marvel and stare." 

Ralph Waldo Emerson

But does the fact that the stars appear each night take away from the miracle of their twinkling? Only if we let it!!!

Gah!!!!! The world can be so awesome!!! Pay attention to what you have today and find that happiness! It's right there in your very own home. :-)