The Power of Gratitude

Today I want to share with you the power of gratitude. First of all, let’s define it:

grat·i·tude

noun \ˈgra-tə-ˌtüd, -ˌtyüd\

: a feeling of appreciation or thanks

:  the state of being grateful :  thankfulness

One thing I teach my trainees is this: “Many people believe that happy people are grateful, but the opposite is even truer. It is grateful people who are happy.” This is a line right out of my classroom book. You may be thinking to yourself “That’s a bunch of hooey!” If that’s what you’re thinking, you are wrong!

There is now scientific proof that practicing gratitude daily greatly increases not only your emotional quality of life, but also your physical health! For example, one study compared three different groups of people. One group wrote weekly entries in a journal regarding 5 things they were grateful for. A second group wrote about five hassles they experienced. The third group wrote about five events that affected them in some way, be it positive or negative. What they found was that group only listing things they were grateful for wound up feeling more positive about their lives overall, were much more optimistic than the other participants, and even had fewer health problems by the end of the study! A second study made the entries a daily activity rather than weekly, and they found there was an even greater increase in gratitude in the participants.

One very profound study looked at people who suffered one heart attack. Those who really made changes after their heart attacks, such as being more grateful for what they have and appreciating life more, actually had a lower risk of having another heart attack. This really goes to show that being more grateful and focusing less on negative things in life can greatly benefit us overall!

Many in the scientific community believe that people are born with a “set point” for a level of happiness, similar to our natural set point for body weight. The research on gratitude challenges this notion. The gratitude studies mentioned above (as well as others I didn’t read about) show that we can actually change that set point, moving it upward and making big changes in our life outlooks as well as our physical health.

Joan Buchman is a longtime sufferer of Fibromyalgia. She knows first-hand what daily gratitude can do for your health. One snippet from her article is the following:

“Gratitude is not about "looking at the bright side" or denying the realities of life. Gratitude goes much deeper than that. It's about learning from a situation, taking the good to help deal with other challenges in the future. It's about finding out that you have more power over your life than you previously imagined. You can stop being a victim of your circumstances and reach out to the joy in living. If you open your heart to the good in your life, gratitude becomes as much a part of your life as breathing.” –Joan Buchman See her article here.

If you’re still reading and want some tips on how to increase your level of gratitude, here are 5:

1.       Keep a daily (or weekly would be a good start) journal where you write down ONLY things that you are grateful for.

2.       Use visual reminders, such as a gratitude rock or some other token that reminds you to think of things you are grateful for every time you see it.

3.       Find someone else who practices gratitude and share your gratitude lists. Spending time with ungrateful people will have a negative effect on you, so try to surround yourself with grateful people.

4.       Openly share with family and friends that you have a goal to be more grateful. This will hold you a bit more accountable and will increase chances of success.

5.       Watch your inner dialogue. Notice how your mood is when this self-talk is negative. Turn it around, change your tone, and watch what happens to your mood. Think happy thoughts!

"If you want your life to be more rewarding, you have to change the way you think."
- Oprah Winfrey

I hope you all choose to have a great(ful) day! J

My Grand Adventure

You might be aware that I am afraid of spiders. If you didn't know, now you do. This is not some silly little fear, trying to be cute so somebody will take care of me. This is a real, live, horror. I have dreams in which I see a spider and then I wake up in a panic and can't go back to sleep.

All spiders have a radius of fear and death surrounding them, and the size of this radius depends on the size of the spider. Obviously I need to be further away from bigger spiders. I have had run-ins with spiders so large that I have had to step inside that radius in order for the RAID to hit them. These are times when my voice goes up a few octaves and it takes me a life time to be brave enough to spray the RAID. They always jump off the wall and make a run for it after the nerve agent hits, you know.

With that being said, I give you the following adventure:

This morning, as I was merging onto the interstate, I looked over my left shoulder to check for cars. This was a bad time to see a jumping spider the size of a dime on the driver's side window. It was inside, and there was no glass to protect me.

I was inside the radius, and I couldn't get out of it!!

I immediately started to panic. I swerved the car to the right, then realized once again that I was in a car on the interstate and needed to be able to drive or I would die from arachnophobia. I leaned as far as I could away from the window and dialed my adorable husband on speaker phone.

I started crying hysterically. (I told you, the fear is real!!!) He told me to get off the road. I couldn't just pull over because the interstate is a busy road and I don't know that I could just get right back on from the shoulder. I had to make it to the next exit. I was driving, and crying, and telling him that I couldn't pull off the road just yet. I kept looking over at the window to make sure I still knew the location of my stalker, and then when I would SEE the eight-legged assassin I would scream again. I was a mess.... there went my perfectly applied makeup...

I got to the next exit, went a bit faster than I probably should have on the off ramp, ran through a stop sign (after making sure it was clear, of course), and parked in a gravel area used by car-poolers for parking and picking people up. There was ONE person there, and he was just climbing into his red minivan. I said to my husband, "can I ask this guy to kill it???" He said "Yes, you can do that." Haha...

I parked. My husband told me to open the door. I couldn't open the driver door!!!! There was a JUMPING SPIDER on it!!!! If I opened the door, it could jump on me! No no, this 7-month pregnant lady was climbing over the center console and escaping from the passenger door! That is exactly what I did!!

I went over to the minivan and didn't know if the guy would see me. Luckily he did. I can only imagine what went through his mind as a shaking 7-month pregnant woman with mascara and shame all over her face approached his car. He rolled down the window, and I blurted out through hysterical tears, "there's a spider in my car! I'm terrified! Can you get it???" He smiled, and this was the only time that he seemed humored by the situation. (I guarantee he laughed later.)

He got out of his van and went to the back to look for something for squishing purposes. I don't even know what I was doing because I was in the process of being traumatized by this entire ordeal. My husband was still on the phone with me. The guy eventually located a tissue and he went to my car.

Would you believe that we couldn't find the spider?

I went back around to the passenger side to see if I could see it from that angle. Finally the man located the jumping jerk on the inside of the driver door and he squished it! I made him show me the body for identification purposes and just to know that he wasn't lying to appease me. Of course squished spiders make me want to vomit, so I couldn't look for long.

The anonymous hero left in a hurry (I hope I didn't make him late!), and I got back into my car. My husband said to me, "Umm, I think we need to work on this." I agreed... then I drove to work... and LUCKILY one of my lovely coworkers had mascara so I could fix my face.

Phew! Wow... what an adventure!!!

What today will be like is up to you!

Have you ever had one of those mornings where everything seems to be going wrong? Imagine, if you will, all of the following happening in one morning:

1. You wake up and step in a pile of cat vomit.
2. The shower runs out of hot water before you're done.
3. You gag while you clean up cat vomit.
4. Your kids miss the bus.
5. You can't find your keys.
6. You find your keys, but your car won't start.
7. You spill food on your only clean uniform.
8. Your computer crashes while finishing up that important document.

If all of these things happened to you, what would that do to the rest of your day?? I think many people would say their day would be ruined. They would want to crawl back into bed and try to restart! "It's just going to be one of those days," they might think.

Well, if you tell yourself you're going to have a bad day, what do you think happens? You have a bad day! Weird, isn't it? Do you know why that is? Because your brain is trying to prove it!!!

So... after you get all cleaned up and you get your car started, you encounter a red light. Even though that light is red 50% of the time, today it is red because today is a bad day!! You will find ways to prove it's a bad day and you will look for the negative in absolutely everything.

Did you know that YOU have the power to turn your day around? It's all about your attitude and how you choose to think! You truly are a powerful being. Chances are, you haven't noticed your power yet.

Let's say you are aware of your personal power (and your personal responsibility for your whole life) and all of those things happen to you in one morning. How might you choose to think about these events? Maybe you could consider them "adventures." I have thought to myself on more than one occasion, "wow, I've had a lot of adventures this morning!" Perhaps you, a very powerful person, would choose to refrain from making any guesses about the rest of the day and just marvel at how amazing you are for having overcome so many obstacles before the day really even got started! That's something to be proud of, right?

No matter what happens in your life this morning, I hope you choose to have a fantastic day!

Choosing to Think Positive

Is it a choice? Yes, it is.

Lots of us get caught up in negativity and soon it is all we can see. Each week I ask my trainees to identify 5 things that are going right in their lives. It's rare that any of them can whip out a list of 5. Sometimes I have people who can't even identify 1 positive thing in their lives. I have been there before, and I have been on an incredible journey to be where I am right now--oozing positivity.

A few weeks ago, my best friend told me he was completely stressed out because of an issue with his house that needed to be fixed. I encouraged him to name 5 things that are going right in his life. He ignored me. Well, because I am a good friend, I came up with a long list (way more than 5) and I will share that with you here:

Your best friend is awesome.
Your son is the coolest thing you have ever created.
You have a wife!! That search is over!
You are employed while many are not.
You have shoes to wear.
You have clothes.
You are able to meet your basic needs.
You have reliable transportation.
Your wife and child have reliable transportation.
You have enough food to eat.
You have tons of awesome t-shirts.
You own your own home.
You have a dog.
You have a library. Lucky bastard.
You have some great and lasting friendships.
You are not afraid to cut toxic people out of your life.
You have morals.
You are not in prison.
You are not in the holocaust.
You live in a nice city.
You don't have neighbor drama.
You have a supportive family.
You have glasses to assist you and meet your needs.
You have a great driving record.
You make a great zombie.
You have all of your teeth.
You have people willing to help you.
You have perfect grammar.
You know how to spell.
Your relationship with your dad is improving.
You are patient.
You are kind.
You are trustworthy.
You have great taste in home decor.
You have an income to afford your home decor needs.
You don't have to steal stuff.
You will eat lunch today.
You have computer skills.
You sleep at night.
People like you.
you rock the bald look.
You are great at alphabetizing.
Your interests are not bizarre.
You have not lost any limbs.
You have your eyes.
You can hear.
You can walk.
You have empathy.
You are capable of love.
And on, and on, and on....


What's a wet subfloor? And, you might be asking yourself, what's my point?

My point is this..... we all have SO MUCH going right in our lives! It far outweighs the negative stuff! If we can focus our energies on all of the good stuff, it will completely change our attitudes for the better! Soon we can see those little black rainclouds part and allow the blue skies to shine through. Suddenly everything takes on a different light and we can think positively.

W. Mitchell is a really fantastic fellow who goes around sharing his story to help people think more positively. He was a marine back in the day, and he liked to have all kinds of adventures. He learned how to fly planes, and he also rode motorcycles. Well, one day back in the 70's, this 28-year-old strong fellow flew an airplane by himself for the very first time. That day he rode his new motorcycle through an intersection in San Francisco and wound up hitting a laundry truck that didn't see him coming. The crash resulted in a "human bonfire" that left Mitchell burned on 65% of his body. The only parts of him that were spared were the portions protected by his helmet and his motorcycle jacket.

He lost all of his fingers. They were burned off of him.

He kept his sense of humor and wits, and he made a great recovery. He moved to Colorado and became mayor of a small town. He was highly successful, even starting a business. His strange appearance didn't stop him!

4 years after that fiery crash, Mitchell got into a plane accident. It broke his spine and he is now paralyzed from the waist down. Two horrific accidents struck Mitchell, but he is one of the most positive people you will ever meet. He says he wouldn't change anything because what he has learned about life and about himself has been utterly priceless.

If he can do it.... so can we. Next time you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, turn the steering wheel in your mind and look at the bright side! You don't have to be negative, ya know! It's a choice!

Compliments are Important

Long ago, before I was the official trainer for my week at my job, I came up with an activity for groups of trainees to do. Each trainee must come up with some positive feedback (a.k.a. a compliment) for the person to their right. They go in a circle sharing their feedback, and then I surprise them with the news that they now get to go the other way. I never participate in the activity because I feel it would be weird if I threw that in there just so I could hear how awesome I am. Instead, I am an observer. I must say this activity makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside!

I have had trainees break into tears for the simple fact that they never receive compliments. Isn't that horrible??? There was one week I will never forget during which one trainee stopped the whole show and said, "You guys... I'm not used to this! This is so amazing! I love it! I NEVER heard stuff like this when I was growing up! I was always told that I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'll never find a husband... This is so great!"

That right there is why I love, love, love this activity. The whole time the compliments are being shared, I sit there with a ridiculously cheesy grin on my face. It just makes me beam from the inside to see this positivity impact these people so deeply. On a few occasions, trainees have had to leave the room upon completion of the activity because they are too emotional to go on with the day just yet. The complements that usually bring the most tears are those along the lines of "just from what you say, I can tell you are a really good mother." That is a big one! The lady I quoted in the previous paragraph was told "You have a really great smile." Can you believe nobody had ever said that to her before? And that one, small little complement impacted her so profoundly...?

Positive feedback is a really big deal!!!

A few times, the follow-up conversation has moved into the realm of positive self talk. I'm sure you all realize that we say some pretty horrible things to ourselves—things that we would never let anybody else get away with! (Well we need to knock that junk off!) I think it's been 2 or 3 times that I have had my trainees go around and tell me something that they really like about THEMSELVES, which, for whatever dumb reason, is something our society tells us not to do. That is ridiculous.

I think we need to make a distinction between having a healthy self esteem and being conceited. It's OK to like yourself. It is healthy to be proud of things you have accomplished. Saying, "yeah, I am really good at that" does not make you full of yourself. I, for example, believe that I am really really good at crocheting. I really admire that in me. I am very proud of myself for having something that I am super good at! This does not make me conceited! Just think how weird it would be if every time someone said "WOW... you MADE that????" I responded with, "oh it wasn't very hard, anybody could do it, I'm sure it's been done better, it's really not that big of a deal." Sure that's being humble, but that is also being dishonest. It is 100% OK for me to respond with, "Heck yeah I did! It's the most epic thing I've ever made!!!"

Here's the most epic thing I've ever made:

Yep, I did that, I'm proud of it, and that's OK.

Think about what you like about yourself today. Give compliments to those around you, too! If you see something good, say it! I know I am really good at pointing out that my boys are handsome, intelligent, wonderful boys and I am glad that they are mine. I say this stuff to my super adorable tall husband as well. I imagine the day that I can shower my baby girl with praise. I can't wait to raise her to know that she is so incredibly awesome!!! I wish she would just be born NOW, darn it!

What things do you like about yourself? Can you make a list? Can you admit to yourself that you have good qualities?

Compliment yourself and those around you DAILY! You will be shocked at the immense impact it will have on your life as well as the lives of others.

Happiness is Wanting What You Have

I think I've mentioned in an earlier post that every Thursday at work I teach my trainees about personal responsibility and the total control they have over their own happiness. Well, this week 75% of my trainees leave at 1:00 instead of 3:00, so I have been only partially finishing each day and just pushing the rest of the curriculum out to the next day. That means I started the awesomeness that is Thursday yesterday, and I get to finish it up this morning. :-) That's two days of ultra positivity! I seriously love this part of my week. 

One of the skills we cover in the book is called "Living Each Day Gratefully." We talk about expanding our definitions of wealth and taking time to really pay attention to the wonders in our lives. One quote from the book is the following:

"The moment one gives close attention to any thing, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself."

Henry Miller

What this means is that we take a lot of things for granted! I actually saw a quote yesterday that said something along the lines of "what you take for granted, someone else is praying for." That is so very true! My trainees are all recipients of welfare and the majority of them feel kinda crappy about their circumstances. They tend to focus on what they do NOT have, but they give little attention to what they DO have. Did you know that in some countries, people don't even have the resources to obtain shoes? ALL of my trainees have shoes!!! Many, many people do not even have shelter to sleep under. All of my trainees have a place to sleep, whether it is their own or someone else's. These things make them much wealthier than many, many people all over the world. It's just hard for them to really see that sometimes!

My class book is riddled with "Hot Tips" to really help people think and put things into perspective. One of these tips is the following: "Happiness comes not from getting what you want, but from wanting what you already have...." I find this to be absolutely profound, and I really hope that it hits home with my trainees. Can you imagine if you wanted nothing more than what you already have? For example, I love my car. I love it so much that there is not another car on the road that I look at and wish was mine. If I had a million dollars, the last thing I would do is go car shopping. I WANT my car. That is a great feeling!

I've always been one to really cherish the things I have. Once I get a frying pan, for example, I feel as though that need has been fulfilled and I stop shopping for frying pans. I don't feel the need to get the latest and greatest with all the fancy shmancy bells and whistles. I just love MY frying pan. Even my frying pan can leave me feeling satisfied. I can't imagine the misery I would feel if I always wanted something "better." I would just be chasing happiness, all the time, and I would never find it.

Give close attention to what you have today! Be grateful! Be happy! Here is another quote that we will discuss this morning:

"If the stars should appear but one night every thousand years, how man would marvel and stare." 

Ralph Waldo Emerson

But does the fact that the stars appear each night take away from the miracle of their twinkling? Only if we let it!!!

Gah!!!!! The world can be so awesome!!! Pay attention to what you have today and find that happiness! It's right there in your very own home. :-)

Latest crochet creations!

I learned to crochet when I was 18. Since then, I must say I've made some pretty amazing stuff! This past weekend I made the following hats for two of my cousins.

Each of those took about an hour, I'd wager. These are just little side projects. Here is the big project I've been working on for the little bun in my oven:

It will literally be a big blanket of flowers! Isn't it wonderful? :-)

Not for the squeamish!

This morning there were two fresh piles of cat vomit waiting for me. One upstairs in my room, and one in the living room. I know this will (when he sees the pile in our room) upset the love of my life. Yesterday, in fact, he kept closing the door so the cats couldn't even get up to our room. I kept opening it, because it is not a rule that they can't go up there.

So anyway, I left him a note on the white board on the fridge. It reads "Two piles of cat vomit this morning! One in our room, one in the living room. Good thing the door to our room was open or there would be TWO down here! Gives the clean-up crew a little variety. :-) "

How's that for a positive spin? He he... *sigh* I sure love my cats.

Speaking of multiple piles of cat vomit....

A few years ago, I came home from work only to be accosted by SEVEN piles of cat vomit throughout the house. They went from solid to complete liquid. I assumed it was my female cat, because she plays the bulimia card to keep her girlish figure. Well, it was none other than Mr. Woozel. (Daxter is his given name, but you know how that goes.) He puked again right in front of me and something came up with it. A long stringy object. I immediately started gagging and had to look away as he choked it back down. Unfortunately my gag reflex kept me from identifying the object.

I assumed it was a tape worm or something equally atrocious. I took him to the emergency vet, where they did some x-rays. His intestines were all bunched up awkwardly. The vet asked me, "is there any string lying around your house?" Well, gosh, did I mention I crochet like a mad woman? Oy vey..... yes, there is lots and lots of string/yarn all over the place!!!

Poor Mr. Woozel had to spend the night in the hospital. The next morning, I picked him up from the ER vet and took him to his regular vet so he could be hospitalized there until they figured out the problem. Meanwhile, I looked around to see if there were any obvious signs that Daxter had chewed off some yarn. Then I remembered something...... I had recently made a blanket for my BFF and his wife, and there was a long strand of yarn left over at the end of a skein. This was long... 8 to 10 feet. I had put it next to my big bag of yarn in the living room. This long strand was missing.

I was living with my mother at the time. I asked her if she had thrown it out. Nope. Oh crap.

I called the vet and told him of my discovery. They scheduled surgery for poor Mr. Woozel. Yes, he had in fact slurped down over 8 feet of beautiful green yarn. They surgically extracted it from his intestines. Poor baby!!!!

Here are a couple pictures. One is, obviously, the yarn. The other is a picture of him when I visited after the surgery. I apologize if it makes you sick. :-)

Isn't he chubby and cute?????

25 Weeks!

Today I am 25 weeks pregnant with a feisty little lady. :-) Here's what Baby Center has to say about it:

http://www.babycenter.com/6_your-pregnancy-25-weeks_1114.bc?intcmp=timeline

1.5 lbs already! Woo! :-)

Now that's something to be thankful for!!!!

Taking personal responsibility

"It's not what happens to you, it's what you do about it." -W. Mitchell

Every Thursday at work, the topic I cover with my trainees is "Taking Personal Responsibility." This is a rather huge concept that really expanded my universe once it clicked.

When you think of "taking responsibility," what comes to mind? It's usually about something negative, right? Your answers may include "owning up to your actions," or "admitting what you did was wrong," etc. Well, yes, but it goes way, way beyond that.

Whose job is it to make sure you have a good day today? .....yours.
Whose job is it to make sure you don't get upset by someone else's actions? ......yours.
Whose job is it to make sure you go down the right career path? ......yours.

Yours, yours, yours. Whose job is it to make you happy, successful, financially stable, sane? YOURS!!! Isn't that amazing? YOU have control here.

Shifting gears a bit... How do you feel when someone controls you? "It sucks," is what I hear. "I feel powerless" is what I hear. "Like a victim" is what I liken it to. Well *guess what*!?! YOU are always in control of YOU. Do you see a trend here? Let's say there is someone holding a gun to your noggin, demanding that you open up that vault "or else...". YOU are actually choosing to open the vault because YOU are logical and aware of the possible consequences. You could choose not to open it, and in that case you would know that you had some responsibility in what was ultimately manifest as a result of that choice that YOU made.

Doesn't that feel better? Doesn't it feel great to know that you are always in control of you? My goodness, we have so much power, it is unbelievable!

Shift gears again... I went to a Robin Rose training for work a few months ago and she said something absolutely profound. While the training was about brain function, stress hormones, etc., the following is what made the biggest impact on me and my own curriculum. In a nutshell, she said that we actually have no control over what happens to us as a child, but as adults we DO have control over what we do about it. It goes hand in hand with the W. Mitchell quote above.

You had no control over what family you were born into, whether or not your parents had good parenting skills, what kind of environment you lived in, who your neighbors were, whether or not you had your basic human needs met, etc. You were just tossed in there and had to live with it. But at some point in your life it becomes your responsibility to choose how it impacts the rest of your life. I hate to break it to you, but you can't blame your parents anymore! If you treat people poorly, that is 100% your own fault. If you have a positive attitude, that is also 100% your own fault. No excuses! None of that "well I am this way because I was abused as a child" junk. It just doesn't fly.

I'm still struggling with finding a way to really crack into people's skulls and plant this seed. I just don't know how to put the awesomeness that is Taking Personal Responsibility into the right words!

And so it begins

Today I got the idea to start blogging. I've done it before, and it was a sort of therapy--a place for me to vent my bottled-up frustrations. Things have changed and I have come a long way. My life is so full of joy and positivity... and I want to share it with the internets!

No, I didn't find "god." Except Thor, in the form of Chris Hemsworth. That's a worthy god, for sure. And Loki. Wait, that's beside the point.

It has come to my attention that my isolation and abrupt abandonment of my old life (yay, divorce!!!) may have left those who knew me thinking that I am still miserable, tortured daily by the things I chose to endure for a decade. Maybe those who start to randomly wonder will stumble upon this little nook on the net and get the update that my life is *awesome*.

Notice I used the wording "chose to endure." Sounds insane, doesn't it? Who would choose to stay in a horribly negative, painful living situation for a decade??? Well, I have learned the secret to a happy life... Personal responsibility! Once you realize you are in control of your entire life and the way you experience things, you gain complete control over everything. And that, my friends, is a powerful feeling!!