We hear about body shaming, slut shaming, and so on. Well, let's talk about parent shaming.
I find it very annoying that many parents find articles or blogs on the internet and they think "this must be the way it's supposed to be done!" In reality, those articles and blogs including this one are opinion. Even if it was written by a psychologist, it is opinion unless it is backed up by scientific proof. (There are many different schools of thought in psychology, many of them contradicting each other.)
I was shown a blog article written by a lady who detests the phrase "be careful" and tries her darnedest to not say it to her kids. She gives her reasons, and she has good reasons... for her. But she fails to point out that these are her opinions and her reasons, and her readers should read them objectively.
Take this excerpt for example:
"I have come to realize that the reason I detest "be careful" so much is because 99% of the time it is said to make the person saying it feel better/safer about the situation! It is usually said out of distraction, absentmindedly, out of not being truly present with our children."
In this passage she is asserting that this phrase is said [by all parents] out of distraction, absentmindedly, out of not being truly present with one's child.
I disagree. I think SHE says it because SHE is distracted, absentminded, and not being truly present with HER kids. That's why SHE says it, and that's why her mother said it (she says so in the blog) (which is likely why that is how she learned to say it and thinks it's the norm), but that is not why *I* say it.
Trust me, if I'm telling my 2.5 year old daughter to be careful, I have a reason and I am very, very aware of what she is doing at that moment. If I see her doing something dangerous, you can bet your bottom dollar I'm going to be monitoring what she's doing or even put a stop to it.
Let's say she's outside playing, and she wanders over by my husband's motorcycle. It's a big beast of a machine, and she likes to touch it. It is very possible that she could go from touching to smacking, from smacking to kicking, from kicking to climbing... And that motorcycle, being held up at an angle by a very small kick stand, could fall over ON TOP OF HER. She would be flat as a pancake. She could very well lose a limb if that 600+ pound machine fell on her. A motorcycle, you see, is not a toy for a 2 year old. It is not a jungle gym. I dare say a 2 year old should not play with a motorcycle! (My opinion.)
So, in this hypothetical situation, let's say I was standing over by the fence, looking something up on my phone. I look up and see her poking the motorcycle with a stick. Do I say "be careful" and then go back to browsing the internet? Ummmm NO! Good lord! I'm saying "Be careful!" and I'm quickly going over there to monitor her VERY CLOSELY and then directing her away when it looks like she's about to get a little more aggressive with the motorcycle.
Take a sit-and-spin, for another example. Sitting, yes. Standing, no. Walking across the room and stepping on it with one foot, no no no... That thing could spin out from under her and she could fall HARD. If she's walking toward it, or she's experimenting with just stepping on it, I'm not going to say "be careful" and go back to crocheting. No, ma'am, I am going to say "Oh, honey, be very careful. If you step on it, it could spin and you could really hurt yourself!" I'm on it! And if she keeps it up, and I feel like an accident is inevitable, I'm going to direct her to play with it correctly or I'm going to put it away.
One could argue "I'm not going to tell her to be careful. I want her to be curious, and experiment with things. I don't want her to be afraid of life." That's GREAT! But, she's 2. What am I going to tell the doctor when her face is split open because I allowed her to play on exercise equipment? What will I say to the police when the doctor calls to report me for allowing her to use a 600+ lb motorcycle as a jungle gym "so she won't be afraid of life"?
"Well, officer, I did know she was climbing on the motorcycle, and while I'm very aware that it could topple on top of her and cause serious injury, I wanted her to learn that lesson herself. Even when her prosthetic leg comes in, I'm sure she'll never climb on another motorcycle!" (She'd be traumatized... great, let's do that to our kids and call it good parenting... Ha.)
I tell her to be careful when she needs to be careful. I tell her to be careful when she must be hyper aware of her body and how she's using it in relation to objects she's around. I think if I always use the term "be careful" in this sense, she will learn that it actually means she is toying with a possibly dangerous situation and should, in fact, be careful. If mom says be careful, maybe that means she should actually use caution. You know?
So, oh my goodness--just because one blogger on the internet learned the incorrect usage of the term "be careful" and detests it does not mean that it's bad parenting if you use it! Please do watch your kids, and teach them to be careful when they need to be!
That's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it!
